Karma Police
I should have known better. I should have kept my mouth shut but I just couldn't help it. Around this time last week the weather got cold again and I felt it necessary to remind Normy of his propensity for winter tumbles. Although he has assured me that he hasn't taken a spill in years, he readily admits that he has a couple of doozies. Who doesn't though right? My personal favourite is the story he tells of falling up the stairs at the front of the Harriet Irving Library and smack into the front doors. Of course any fall story is only as good as the audience (and the healthy outcome) and he can say whatever he wants but someone had to see that fall and that would have been funny. It was that thought, and the ensuing giggles, that may have got me in trouble with the karma police. On my way home the other night, as I was coming off the train bridge, I hit a patch of ice and took a true header. I caught some good air; my hands got down first but my chin was soon to follow. After I looked around to make sure no one caught the spill, I got up, checked for blood (none), and dusted myself off with a wry smile. Some small part of me was a little disapointed that no one was there to catch it so they could giggle at it ten years from now. I also thought that the karma police definitely saw it and cosmic justice was somehow served. I hope your happy Normy, you minions did your bidding. I do have one concern though; now that you they have my file they may dig up some old dirt. If that happens, the worm will turn and, you too, will find out that Karma's a bitch.
Slippery Pete
You Got It (The Right Stuff)
We had a beautiful snowfall in Freddy last night. The kind of snowfall everyone can like, even Normy. Just a couple of inches of nice light big flakes that covers everything in a fresh white blanket. It was quite mild out and while walking on the train bridge, walking home from voting, I found myself thinking that this is exactly the kind of night I love in winter. Very, very peaceful. Then I got home.
Election coverage. Pretty dramatic...and a real sporting atmosphere. The CBC actually had Ron and Don covering the election. Don was a little lost without any foreigners to complain about but still amusing. I'm not sure if I have any complaining to do about it either. I think of it as a big reset. A serious slap on the wrist for the Liberal's glaring abuse of power. But not quite a slap in the face because the Conservatives won't have the power to push an agenda that any one of the opposition parties considers too "right wing". Paul Martin is gone and Spanky McKenna could be on the way to the top of Liberal heap. That will be a good thing, partially because that would be great for NB, but moreso because I will get constant amusement from him trying to speak french. It's painful to watch but you can't hep it; like playing with a hangnail.
If that does happen then the seasoned Mr. Mckenna will have to face a now seasoned Stephen Harper in an election. And this could happen just as quickly as this election did. Personally, Stephen Harper has grown on me....like a fungus. I don't dislike him I just don't feel all that comfortable about him representing us on the world stage. And I am going to go on record right now; Stephen Harper will be a one term Prime Minister if he doesn't get a new hairdo. If his plans for the country are as lame as that nightmare we are all screwed. If Jimmy Johnson can do it so can you Harpo.
In other election news - two of my favourite quotes from election day
1) A very excited, but slightly confused, Jester - "I'm heading to the right; I'm going to exercise my poll"
2)The CBC was interviewing some Foreign students about their thoughts on democracy in action and a yound Asian girl was heard to say - "I rove it; I've got erection fever!"
I'm going to hell.....
Pace out
Sabotage
October 2005 - Thankgiving weekend.
The roommates and I were at a party. Jess and Normy came home at midnight and went to bed. I didn't have my keys so they left the door unlocked. I came home later; somewhere around 5. When I got to the door I found it locked. I called the house phone and Normy's cell but got no response. I got a chair out of the garage and crawled in the kitchen window but not before I notice a large pile of huge white mushrooms on a cooler beside the backdoor. I didn't really pay it too much mind and went to bed.
In the morning Normy woke me up to ask if I had taken the laptop to bed with me. I hadn't and then asked him why he locked me out after I asked him to leave the door open. He told me that he was positive that he left it unlocked. We exchanged quizzical looks and headed back downstairs to do some investigation. We did a quick inventory and noted that there were a few other items missing; a pair of Jesse's shoes, my keys, and a half-empty bottle of wine. During our search we found a handwritten note on our coffee table. It was a confession/thank you note. There were three pages of a stereo user's manuel filled with indecipherable scribblings. On one page, one sentence could be made out: "Thanks for the wine and hospitality" and further down the page, another one that read "My computer is broken so I am borrowing yours, I will return it on the 11th." At the bottom of that page the note was signed "Mark MacGregor". Normy called the cops and when he described what, besides the computer, had been stolen, they immediately knew who we were talking about. They had picked someone up with a big pair of shoes under his arm earlier that morning. They told us we probably wouldn't see the computer because he just got off the plane from Scotland and didn't really know where he was and therefore didn't know where the computer went. He was not so much a thief as he was a drunk. Those drunken Scots!
So that was the story. Jesse got his shoes back but the wine and the computer were likely gone for good. The cops called a week later to tell us that, in fact, the guy was not from Scotland, he was from Boisetown. Never did catch his name. I think it may have been an inside job....we should have realized something was up when they sent cops to Crime Scene Investigate our house and these were the guys that showed up:
Much of the story remains a mystery; most notably what was up with those mushrooms.
Ay MacGregor!!!!!!!!
PS - Because Normy refused to convince Jesse and I to write victim impact statements the guy went to court but was released due to lack of evidence. I didn't do it because I'm lazy but Jesse didn't do it because he secretly wants more mushrooms.
Police Department Pacey
Lost for Words
I've had various political conversations with my Gyp-Nor roomie and he has made his feelings on the upcoming election abundantly clear. He is of the mind that whoever is in control will do pretty much the same thing. There is no question that he is at least partially correct. The powers-that-be will always cowtow to the other people in positions of power (ie. special interest groups, big business, etc). And for those of us on the ground floor, things stay pretty much the same. Unless you have a direct interest in a particular promise being made by one of the parties your vote is not going to affect your day to day life all that much. And as we know election promises hold about as much weight as pillow talk. Having said that, and this is my basic argument with Normy(he did vote last time by the way), you at least have to make your voice heard. Even if you just want to go in and soil your ballot at least you are exercising your right to voice your displeasure with the current political landscape. It could certainly use a good scorched-earth treatment; start over fresh or something. Anyways I urge you to exercise your right even if it is just to stand up and saying "Fuck You" to the Big Dogs.
Little Dog
Party all the time
In the course of a typical evening at the Embassy Normy called me from the living room to say "Si this one's dedicated to you". I didn't catch it from the opening bars but by the time Eddie started singing I recalled this little gem. If you have the technology, I implore you to go and find this song. It's an absolute classic from the "what were they thinking" files. I'm guessing Eddie was on alot of cocaine. In a court of law this may be considered circumstantial but the producer of the song was Rick James and he also figures prominently in the video (ps - if you can track that down, even better; Pure Gold!), and as Rick told us on Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories - "Cocaine's a helluva drug". It's a leap but not much of a leap. The song, and that leather jumpsuit, really typify the 80's. Good times, good times.
As an aside, some fun facts you may not know about Rick James - he is from Buffalo but left the Naval Reserve and moved to TO. He was in a band called the Mynah Birds with some guy named Neil Young right before he started some band called Buffalo Sprinfield. No shit.
As a hilarious aside - during the
Party all the Time video Normy saw Rick James on the screen and said "You know he kinda looks like Weston". You can decide for yourselves.
"I'm Rick James bitch - Enjoy yourself!"
(
http://www.comedycentral.com/shows/chappelles_show/index.jhtml)
Days of the Week
It's Monday and it is ugly out. I mean really ugly; I think a little snow has fallen but it's so windy it just keeps blowing around. The weather network is actually using a different icon on it's website for blowing snow. It's a snowflake whooshing by...it looks like the snowflake is having fun if that's possible. But I digress.....
To lighten my mood on days like this I like to rummage through old photos and in doing so last week I came across a few gems. So I want to start sharing one every Monday in the hopes of starting the week with a giggle. Here is the first installment:
Hehehehehehehehe.....Nicki as the Tin Man. Classic! The only problem is that the Tin Man had no heart. That doesn't fit the Wizard of West Plat ; he's all heart. It would be nice to hear from the kid sometime though....
As a funny aside - after I finished this post and got set to publish it coincidence snuck in. I had the music on my pc set to shuffle and Pink Floyd's
Time came on. The song, of course, is from
Dark Side of the Moon and they say that if you time it right (start the cd when the MGM Lion roars for the third time) then the disc is actually a soundtrack to the
Wizard of OZ. Try it...get really, really drunk or stoned first though. Now that's a way to spend a Monday.
Pace out.
Never Give Up On The Good Times
As strange as it may sound.....
I just saw a Spice Girls video and I felt a brief feeling of longing for them. I don't by any means miss their drivel and one could make a solid case that there is a direct correlation between their popularity and the unfortunate arrival of ET Canada. But looking at that video sure made me feel like those times were a whole lot simpler. Maybe it's just because it was 6 or 7 years ago and I didn't have a job.
Story checks out.
Proudest Monkey
This one's for you Clau...
Over the weekend I was having a nice conversation with a young co-ed from a local university. We established each others roots and the conversation somehow shifted to music. She asked me who my favourite band was and before I could answer said "Well, you're a townie so you must love Dave Matthews!". After I cleaned up the beer that I spit all over her in shock at that statement I explained to her that no, I was not a big Dave Matthews fan. I had seen him twice but sincerely felt that his best music is behind him and he's sold his soul for the adulation of teenaged girls everywhere. I was too disgusted to stick around to figure out what chasm she was jumping to come to that conclusion.
Then to add to my confusion I recalled an incident from the previous night working at the rugby club. A different young co-ed; this one, as luck would have it, a local girl, or "townie", came up to the bar and asked me for a Dave Matthews. I said "Sorry, we don't take requests." She then explained that a Dave Matthews is a martini. I politely explained to her that she was at a rugby club and on a good night we have 6 kinds of beer and 3 kinds of rum. She went with the rum. More importantly though, she asked me for a Dave Matthews. Apparently there is a drink out there called the Dave Matthews. Not surprisingly it appears to be popular with teenage girls.
So there may be various causes of the dissemination of the Dave Matthews/townie myth and the local popularity of said martini may be one. But if I were to lay blame on any one group I would lay it squarely on the local cassanovas that serenade the unsuspecting legions of teenaged girls that descend here to attend UNB or STU with one of the four Dave Matthews songs they took the time to learn. If you're not first base by the end of song #3 then it's time to break a string. This is your legacy Geoff North; I hope you're proud.
And FYI:
Dave Matthews Recipe - Ingredients: 1 oz Amaretto Almond Liqueur; 1 oz Captain Morgan's Parrot Bay; 3/4 oz Pineapple Juice; 1/4 oz Cranberry Juice
Mixing Instruction: Shake amaretto, rum and juices together in a cocktail shaker. Strain into an ice-filled cocktail glass, and serve. Talk about last night's episode of the OC.
Rum And Coke Recipe - Ingredients: 2 1/4 oz. Dark Rum 4 oz. Coca Cola
Mixing Instruction: Fill a tumbler almost full with ice cubes. Pour Rum and Coke into the tumbler. Stir well, garnish with a Lemon Wedge, and serve. Watch your chest hair grow.
Pace out.
Take it to the Limit
Hello! I think my holiday hangover has finally passed and I'm close to human again. There was a few days of doubt there; I was just an empty shell. Plus January 1st is one of those milestone days that makes you think "Damn, where the hell did that year go?" and I think wrapping my head around that led to some of the hangover symptoms. It also reminds me that the turn of the millenium is already 6 years ago and Normy and I's promise of the edited version of our Y2K road trip to Fla. is not quite done yet. It'll be ready for the 10 year anniversary, we promise! It's also a full 10 years now since Jimmy was cut for stitches by an errant champagne cork at the stroke of midnight...I wonder how often that happens? But I digress...
It's an absolutely beautiful winter's day here in Freddy; the perfect kind of day to plop down watch some hockey and get back to work here. As does everyone, I have made some New Years resolutions. Some are serious and I don't want to break and some are less serious and I look forward to breaking. First and foremost, I think it is high time I got my degree so, to that end, I have started a night class at UNB. To make it easy I chose a subject that I know something about; the course is Sociology of Deviance. The prof is my old football coach, the Wiz. He told me that if I was late for class I would have to do down ups in front of the class but if he tries to make me I'll do midnight motions instead and dedicate them to his lovely wife. Hiyo!Which brings me to my next resolution which is the ever popular "Get in shape" promise. I'm starting right now...or shortly....or tomorrow. We'll see. I have also pledged to quit drinking until I go away to San Fran in mid-Feb. This pledge excludes wine and is only in effect within city limits hence I have road trips planned for all weekends but one at this point. That's not breaking, just bending...right?
Lastly, I have resolved to continue to add to this thing as much as possible. To help me with this I would ask that any of you (is there anybody?) reading this please stay on me and if I slack let me know. And feel free to ask me questions...for example:
What's the funniest thing Normy said this week?
"Jess, I've noticed that, while you are right-handed, you only express your musical enjoyement with your left hand.". HWAT!?
Tuesday's Gone
...And so is 2005. The holidays are officially over today; the last of the Holiday visitors have left town and it's back to the grind for us working stiffs. I'd like to tell you all about it and some more about the year that was but I'm too tired right now. These holidays take a toll.
My aggravating fact of the year: the Dolphins win 6 straight to get to 9-7 for the season and yet people still laugh at me for wearing my Dolphins Zubaz pants. It's bullshit...everyone's just jealous!
I should have known better. I should have kept my mouth shut but I just couldn't help it. Around this time last week the weather got cold again and I felt it necessary to remind Normy of his propensity for winter tumbles. Although he has assured me that he hasn't taken a spill in years, he readily admits that he has a couple of doozies. Who doesn't though right? My personal favourite is the story he tells of falling up the stairs at the front of the Harriet Irving Library and smack into the front doors. Of course any fall story is only as good as the audience (and the healthy outcome) and he can say whatever he wants but someone had to see that fall and that would have been funny. It was that thought, and the ensuing giggles, that may have got me in trouble with the karma police. On my way home the other night, as I was coming off the train bridge, I hit a patch of ice and took a true header. I caught some good air; my hands got down first but my chin was soon to follow. After I looked around to make sure no one caught the spill, I got up, checked for blood (none), and dusted myself off with a wry smile. Some small part of me was a little disapointed that no one was there to catch it so they could giggle at it ten years from now. I also thought that the karma police definitely saw it and cosmic justice was somehow served. I hope your happy Normy, you minions did your bidding. I do have one concern though; now that you they have my file they may dig up some old dirt. If that happens, the worm will turn and, you too, will find out that Karma's a bitch.
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